


Three Little Pigs

by Nope



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-04-12
Updated: 2003-04-12
Packaged: 2018-12-23 10:36:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11988054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nope/pseuds/Nope
Summary: The day after the night before.





	Three Little Pigs

Sunlight filtered blearily through the smeared windows of an abandoned Charms classroom, pooled slowly across the dusty floor and lapped lazily at Harry Potter's toes. He stirred, muttering thick obscenities under his breath as sharp sparkles of pain danced across his skull, and forced sleep glued eyes open to take an unfocused look at his surroundings.

Harry was not, he discovered, wearing his glasses, which reduced everything beyond a couple of feet to a featureless blur. The ceiling seemed a very long way away. He swallowed down the sudden rush of vertigo, tongue feeling too large in his mouth, and closed his eyes again. Last night had been... what? A confused jumble of images washed behind his eyelids.

Oh, God. There had been dancing. On table tops. With high-kicks.

The hand that had been unconsciously searching for his glasses bumped into a mug. Liquid sloshed. Harry cracked open his eyes again to peek at it. It looked, smelt and, after a hesitant sip, even tasted like warm and slightly foul pumpkin juice, but it was wet which already made it the best drink he could remember having in, like, ever. 

The juice must have cleared his mind a little because, when he dropped his head back down, he realised it was lying on something soft. And warm. And very gently rising up and down. The something made a little snuffling noise. Harry turned his head to look, blinking to clear his eyes, and managed to focus them on... skin. Pale, rather prettily translucent skin. His eyes slid up the expanse of flesh, over a sharp line of bone and up an attractive curve of:

"Throat," thought Harry, feeling smart. It was a very lickable throat, so he licked it.

An appreciative moan trailed down from above his head. He licked a little higher. Another moan. That was pretty good, actually. He sucked at skin. Long moan. Lick. Moan. Suck. Moan. Kiss. Moan. Following this pattern, Harry moved up a jaw, across a cheek, found lips and leant into them. Not bad. Not bad at all. Even given morning after breath. Harry lifted his head to focus on the smiling face beneath him. 

Grey eyes opened, met his.

"Oh, bollocks," swore Harry.

"...the fuck?" managed Draco.

"Bloody buggering felching heck," added Harry with feeling, desperately trying to remember how to move.

Draco stared at him. And then he stared at him some more.

"...the. Fuck?!" repeated Draco, loudly, then grabbed at his head and swore some more, this time under his breath.

"Uh uh." Harry tried shaking his head then stopped when it made the room spin, and settled on repeating "No. No way. This isn't happening" over and over.

"Ngyah," spluttered Draco. "Loud. Diediedie."

He half-heartedly shoved an uncoordinated hand at Harry who tried to dodge, slipped, and banged his head on Draco's chin as he returned to the ground.

"Ow! ...aww, hell."

"Serves you right," Draco sneered, not looking round.

"...what?" asked Harry, rubbing at his forehead.

"I realise I'm irresistibly attractive, but I thought a Gryffindor would be above taking dubious advantage of my clearly weakened state for their own twisted pleasure--"

"Malfoy!"

"You licked me!" said Draco, turning to glare at him.

Blazing disgust made his eyes decidedly pretty. Harry mentally slapped himself, and said the first thing which came to mind, which was "You liked it!"

"I was unconscious!"

"You were making a lot of noise for someone who--"

"Involuntary! Reaction!"

"Involuntary, my arse--" and, okay, that sounded all sorts of bad, and anyway, "why am I even arguing? It was nothing, okay. Just forget it. I'm trying to."

"Oh, so I'm nothing, now, am I? That's right," snarled Draco, "abuse me and then discard me when you've had your pleasure--"

"What? Make sense, would you Malfoy? Are you pissed of because I kissed you or because I didn't kiss you enough?"

There was a spluttered, incoherent response, then silence. Harry glared at the fuzzy ceiling. There was a long silence followed by a sudden insistent thought.

"Oh God," he moaned. "I kissed a Malfoy! What the hell was I thinking?"

"What the hell were you thinking?" growled Draco. "What the hell was I drinking?!"

"It's not like we shagged or any--" Harry had a sudden, horrifying thought. "Er, we didn't, did we?"

"Don't you remember?"

"I remember dancing. And singing. And green drinks. And there may have been an umbrella involved at some..."

They both winced at a sudden and horribly clear memory of what exactly Blaise Zabini had been doing with the umbrella.

Malfoy groaned. "Where's my wand? I need to Obliviate myself. Repeatedly."

Trying to clear his head, Harry pushed himself up unto his elbows and stared round the room. They were lying under a large pile of bulky robes and both, by the feel of things, stark naked.

"Oh, fuck! I shagged the ferret."

"Oi!" snapped Malfoy. "We so did not!"

"Malfoy, we're lying naked on the floor of a classroom! Of course we bloody well did it!"

"We did not! And, anyway, I was drunk and quite probably unconscious. You must have taken advantage of my inebriated state to have your wicked way with me."

"Wicked... Okay, you know what?" Harry found his glasses and pulled them on, glared harder at Draco now he was actually in focus. "Let's just get up, get dressed, and never talk or think about this ever again, okay?"

"Like I really want to, you four-eyed tosser."

They stared at each other for a moment.

"What?" they both asked.

"Get up," said Harry and Draco said "Well, go on then."

"I would if you'd move your legs, I could--" tried Harry just as Draco said "Perhaps if you move your arms--" Harry interrupted with "My arms? It's your legs--" but Draco was already yelling "Legs? What are you talking about? It's your arms that are--"

There was a muffled moan.

Draco and Harry looked at each other. Harry raised his hands. Draco wiggled his feet. They looked back at each other. Then they looked down at the blanket of robes.

"If it's Zabini, forget the Memory Charm," said Draco. "I'm just going to kill all three of us and be done with it."

"I'm right there with you," said Harry.

They lifted up the robes.

And stared.

"Sweet Baby Merlin," swore Minerva.


End file.
